Xanga still being gay. ::sigh:: I'm going to get another one. Hey, that's three. Heh. I have such commitment problems. No, that's not true...I want to keep this one but xanga is gay and I'm stupid. Bleh.

School's almost over. I don't want it to end. It's sad but school is the only thing I look foward to...Day 4s esp. I'm sitting in the you know where tomorrow during break Michelle...it's the last time...and being without him all summer...::dies:: We have to go to the rotunda too...the last time seeing the Hippie in the halls. ::tear, tear::

I'm so sad. I should delete that paragraph because it makes me sound really pathetic but I think I am. I think by becoming so obsessive over someone, I forget about everything else. It's like my escape. I should really channel all that energy into writing one of the many novels I've started. I have a good idea...I started writing the middle of it...yes, I'm weird like that. I started another one too...more of a true life one except the events didn't happen. I think I want to change it though. Not the whole plot, but the characters...and a little of the plot. I'm not saying the plot though ten bucks says Katie can guess it. That should give it away right there.

Laura got me a Brand New shirt from the concert! It's so pretty! I'm in love with it. Though my Eisley shirt is still my favorite.

I wish the xanga music thing would have an Eisley song so I can play it. Oh wait, I can't change anything because I don't have the password. ::sigh::

I'm beginning to hate writing in this. I hate the way it looks but I can't change it. Alright. I have to do it...I have to switch back to Queen_of_the_Faeries. ::sigh:: I probably won't keep that one though because I don't like the name. I'll probably just use it until I make another really good one. See you all there hopefully.

I'm going to have to switch xangas...how much does that suck? I can't change mine because I need the password to change it and I don't know the password. I changed my password two days ago and I can't for the life of me remember what I made it. Luckily, I have that auto login thing on this computer so I can still write entries. But I can only do so on this computer. Grr.

Move-up day was completely pointless. My schedule has to be changed because they put me in the wrong classes so I won't have any of the classes I had today. ::sigh::

This is such a bad week. I love how I have this whole pattern in my life. One week is bad, the next is good. It's an ongoing cycle that I have no control over. Ok, I do have control over it but still. It's so annoying. Finals are tomorrow. English and World History. Shouldn't be too bad. I made a huge outline for World History so my parents were happy. My dad thought I would fail. How encouraging of him. ::sigh::

There is no point to this entry. I'm just writing it to please Cori.

::Edit:: I know what I can post. I've been saving it for a day when I have nothing to write. The first one is me, after that is all quotes. Yeah. Those of you who know what this is referring to please don't write a stupid comment. If you do, I'm just going to delete it. You've been warned. Please don't judge me based on these. They're just quotes I found interesting.

I liked it better when you were just a stranger, just a face I passed occasionally in the halls. Now that you have a name, a personality, a life, you're haunting me even more. I wish I didn't know so much about you...it's making me want you even more. Which is foolish, I know. Because you don't even know I'm alive. Oh, but you're such a beautiful stranger.

"At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away"

"It was late in September
And I've seen you before
You were always the cold one
But I was never that sure

You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark grey sky
I was changed

In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

I wanted to hold you
I wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything...all right"

"If I'm smart then I'll run away
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay
Haven't you heard?
I fell in love with a beautiful stranger

I looked into your face
My heart was dancing all over the place
I'd like to change my point of view
If I could just forget about you

To know you
Is to love you
You're everywhere I go
And everybody knows

I looked into your eyes
And my world came tumbling down
You're the devil in disguise
That's why I'm singing this song to you

Beautiful stranger...
Beautiful stranger..."

I feel so guilty about being so happy when I know I should be sad. I am just so sick of letting people pull me down. I don't want to go back to where I was a few months ago...it wasn't fun. I want things to get better, yes, but not at the expanse of my emotions. That made no sense. ::sigh::

The Spring Fling was tonight. It was amazing. Wow. I'm so excited for Jazz Band next year. I know I'm going to hate it at first and that it's going to be hard but I want to do it so badly. I want to be part of something again. Thank goddess Field Corps is starting soon...I miss having a family to go to.

Speaking of family. Apparently, my mom is going to a counselor. I think it's because she feels like my sister and I aren't "open" enough with her. Which is true for my sister...she barely talks to us anymore. But I tell my mom a lot more than most people would tell their moms. She knows about most of the fights that go on and how I'm feeling and stuff. I don't tell her some things. But I can't tell her everything and she needs to except that. I don't trust her as much lately because I think she read my journal. Not this...my actual journal. My first one didn't have a lock on it and I think she went in my drawer and read some of it. Because for about a week she was hinting that I should love myself the way I am and that hurting yourself is never the answer. She basically thought I was suicidal or something. Which I'm not. So it was really annoying. When I write in my journal, I'm usually mad or upset and need to vent. Apparently, I sound depressed when I vent (?). I don't know. But now she's going to a counselor and the counselor told my mom that she should bring my sister and me because she wants to "meet" us. So now next Thursday I will be accompanying my mother to her therapy session where I'll probably get asked all these personal questions that I really don't want to answer. ::sigh:: Oh well. I'll deal. I guess it could be good...I've always loved the relationship Rory and Lorelei had on Gilmore Girls. Who knows? Maybe my mom and I will end up sort of like that...closer. Everything happens for a reason.

I've realized something in the past few months. I was reading through some of my goals for GS and realized I've accomplished a lot of them. I said I wanted to be more outgoing, put myself out there more. I have definitely done that. I have done things in the past few weeks that the old me would have never done. I was always so afraid that people wouldn't like me, that I would be rejected by everyone. Yes, some people don't like me but screw them. Life is so much more fun if you take chances, if you put yourself out there, wear your heart on your sleeve. It hurts sometimes, but the moments of joy are so much better than the ones of pain. I feel more free than I ever have before. Like I can finally show myself and not have to worry about what people think. Slowly, I'm beginning to realize that they're opinions don't matter...as long as I'm happy with myself, I don't care.

And now, I'm off to read. I just finished Darkangel and am starting A Gathering of Gargoyles, the second in the series. Really good. Highly recommended. Blessed Be~

Concert tonight. It went really well. It's sad because I'll never get to play Africa again and I love it so much but...I'm going to get a CD of the concert and burn Africa.  The seniors got awards tonight...made me realize how much I'm going to miss them...all of them, even the ones I didn't talk to as much. Because they were always a part of it and always there...it's going to be so weird without them. ::sigh::

I think lunch today made up for yesterday.  I just want to thank Michelle for being such a wondeful friend...I definitely owe her and I know it.

Something's bothering me...if I don't think about it though, it doesn't hurt as much. I've been trying to put it out of my mind...which is why I've been so obsessed lately...I'm trying to distract myself. So far it's working. Let's hope it stays that way.
                       I'm such a coward.

I want to post something else...maybe later or tomorrow...

A message to Pippinyay and Dragonfly:
I want no part in your online argument. I am not involved in it in any way. I left one comment, mainly because i thought it was funny that Pippinyay thought Ryan and Jacobchick were the same person. I didn't think it was a mean comment...I was just pointing out their mistakes. Sorry if I offended you. But DO NOT use my xanga as a battle field. Use your own. If you leave any more comments pertaining to this issue, I'm blocking you all. I hope I've made myself clear.

Now that that's over with. Today was disappointing. I was looking foward to today all weekend and it finally came and was the complete opposite of what I expected and wanted. I hate when that happens.